7 Free Self-care Activities For Moms
Watching children grow over the years is the most precious memories of motherhood. None of us want to miss those moments. However, motherhood is exhausting at the same time. Between a spouse, children, home, and working on your dream, so much to do in 24 hours, and it is hard to keep up with the expectations and responsibilities.
As a mom, you have everyone depending on you. As a mom, you want to take care of everyone and do it all. You don’t know how to say “no” and always put others’ needs first. But in order to take care of your families, homes, and other responsibilities in life, it is important moms learn how to take care of themselves.
I love taking care of others. I love doing things for my family and friends, and most of the time I am going out of my ways to deliver them perfectly. I want to be there for everyone I care dear at heart. I put others’ needs before mine sometime. Having kids is changing everything for me.
They are my life. I want to be there for them 24/7. I am changing my lifestyle to be a better mom. However, I never feel I am doing enough. Children need constant attention, care, and guidance. I call them my demanding machine. The marathon never ends. Life gets chaotic. Before I knew it, I found myself yelling, screaming, and debating with my kids non-stop. It doesn’t get better but worse.
What did I do wrong? I wonder. I still try to figure them all out. But one thing I knew was that when I looked into a mirror, I saw an exhausted woman. She was tired and unhappy.
When I paused and realized that the person needed real help here was not my kids, it was me! I honestly asked myself a question, “what can I do to make me happy?” That question helped me going deeper inside, being honest to myself, and facing my real issues.
I realized in order for me to be available for my family, mentally I needed to be strong. In order for me to meet their needs and wants, I have to take care of my needs first. It is critical to me that to be a good mom I have to take care of myself first.
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What is self-care?
Self-care is not selfish.
Let me repeat! Self-care is not selfish.
I remembered my grandma, a mother of 13 children, told me that “don’t give love away100%. Keep some for yourself. Keep that 20% for yourself.” I didn’t understand what she told me back then when I was just in my 20.
When I got married and shared that deep thought with my husband during our romantic dinner one night. It caused us a big fight. That fight made me feel bad and selfish. It made me feel wrong that I should keep a corner of my heart to myself. I felt so wrong to love myself and demand of others.
Not until the day I had to ask myself the question “What can I do to make myself happy?” I realized that my grandma was right. She taught me the most important lesson in life was that no matter where you are in your life, you have to love yourself. Self-love and self-care are not self-centered.
As a woman, a wife, a mom, and a caregiver, we should not feel ashamed for loving ourselves. We should take care of ourselves first before taking care of others.
Self-care is part of loving self. Self-care and self-love are hand in hand.
Self-care likes putting your oxygen mask on first when you fly on an airplane.
Self-care is filling up your tank. It is fuel for the selfless.
Self-care is improving one’s own well-being. It means that you are taking good care of your mind, soul and body.
Self-care is a life skill
I grew up in a culture where mom taught me that I should be in a certain way so that I could be a great wife and mom for my future family. I remembered my mom was proudly telling me that she never sat down in a market and had a nice cup of coffee for herself like other moms. She thought that it was wrong for them to do while their children were waiting for them to bring home breakfast and snacks. She always rushed home with our treats but not hers.
What lessons did you think I learned? I learnt how to give, give and give. Self-care is wrong. Putting family first was more important than yourself.
Being a mom, learning to look after yourself is an essential life skill. It is the act of paying attention to yourself physically and mentally. Just like many other skills in life, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves.
We have to train ourselves to listen to our own needs, which is called self-awareness. Self-awareness doesn’t come naturally, but it comes with time and practice.
Practicing self-care like taking yoga class or meditation improves our focus and re-energizes our body.
Why self-care is important?
Self-care is improving one’s own well-being. It means that you are taking good care of your mind, soul and body.
When you are able to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself, you can transmit the good feelings to your family members. You can’t give kids what you don’t have and can’t show up with your best for your children when you are fatigued.
Neglecting your own needs has a significant impact on your mental health and leads to physical symptoms. Your body and mind will suffer. This will affect the loved ones who depend on you as well.
How to get start with self-care?
Before kids, self-care meant spending hours on a spa day with my girlfriends, a trip to a nail salon, getting my hair done, or pampering myself with a shopping list of things that made me happy.
After kids, having a good long shower was the best thing on earth. 8 hours of sleep or sleeping in here and there was precious.
During pandemic, having a quiet alone moment in a car during running errands means self-care to me. I can listen to loud music, sing aloud, or just simply listen to an audiobook that takes me weeks to finish now.
There is no right way to start taking care of yourself. Just start!
Start out with the simple things in life. Eating healthy foods is self-care. Drinking water is self-care. Taking your vitamins is another form of self-care. Having alone time before bedtime is self-care. Taking a 15 minutes’ walk is self-care.
I have a friend who is an elementary teacher. She loves singing and has a beautiful voice. Every night after the kids are in bed, she sits in her closet and sings her night away by using an app on iPhone. Singing helps her release stress and relaxes her.
Do whatever makes you happy and re-energize you! Do what you love to do!
Start where you are with what you have! Don’t need to be fancy! And I meant it!
Tips for success of taking care of yourself
A lot of self-care activities don’t have to cost you time and money. Think small and simple here!
First, ask yourself a question: “What brings me joy and make me feel better?” Spend time discovering what makes your day better and listening to your body. Your body is your message.
If your lips are dried, you need to drink more water. Do it! Start just that small action, but it means a lot to your body and health.
If a cleaned kitchen makes you feel good walking into every morning, focus on that longing and change habits to make that happen.
I don’t like walking into a messy kitchen in the morning. It just doesn’t lift up my mood because I have to clean up before starting my day. I changed my habits of cleaning and putting things away the night before. This new habit not only helps my mood, but also saves me time in the morning. I don’t have to rush in the morning anymore. It makes my life easier. And I am happy.
Second, block your calendar and schedule with yourself. Make self-care important as much as having doctor appointments that you can’t miss. Make it non-negotiable!
Waking up early is my self-care routine. I have been doing it for years since my first kid. I wake up early no matter if it is weekday or weekend.
If you have a hard time keeping it up and don’t remember to do it, use the 90-day challenge calendar. Put the calendar where you can see it every day to remind you.
Making a commitment to yourself means promising to yourself you can’t break. It is that important. I like to use 90-day challenge because it is not too long but long enough to prime myself and stay in my head. It is slowly becoming my habits.
For the past 12 months, I have been using 90-day challenges on different things like walking and reading on a treadmill, 30 minutes reading, and writing. It works.
The self-care list:
When mom gets time for herself, she is re-energized and reset. The list of self-care is endless. The list below is activities that I have tried for myself in my self-care journey.
1. Maintain healthy diet and weight
Losing pregnancy weight was the first thing I did. I wasn’t happy with my body. It bothered me! When I asked myself the question: “what can I do to make me happy?” losing baby weight was the first thing that came into my mind. I listened to it and took it seriously. I did it for 10 months and lost 14 pounds. You can read more about how I lost my pregnancy weight in 10 months.
The journey didn’t stop there. Maintaining my weight and continuing eating healthy are my priorities.
This habit helps me develop self-control and self-awareness.
There is a down day when I have a bag of chocolate cookies and finish them in 1 hours while I am working at 10:00pm. While eating the whole bag, I knew why I did it. And the next time, I craved for it. Instead of rushing into finishing it, I was able to stop myself and be aware of my emotion.
The goal here is for better health. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t control yourself and cheat it one day.
Focus on your end goal! Maintain healthy weight and eating habits for your health!
If you don’t know where to start your losing weight journey, start here with one simple rule of losing weight.
2. Morning routine:
Morning routine is the top of my list. I have learnt how spending my morning affects the rest of my day.
There are many benefits of morning routine like creating a healthy habit, helping problem solve, reducing stress, giving you extra time, feeling fulfilled in mind, body and spirit.
Morning routine’s benefit for me is a sense of wellbeing. It sets the tone for my day. I feel confident, relaxed, and prepared to tackle my day calmly.
My morning routine includes reading, stretching, visualizing, writing, walking, and meditating.
If you don’t know where to start, you can read this book called The Miracle Morning before 8AM by Hal Elrod. He shows 5 simple steps that you can start today. In my opinion is the best routine. The routine includes mental and body exercises. I never finished a book from the beginning to the end. But with a practice very morning, I have read 21 books in 2019 and 33 books in 2020. It is a life changing for me.
3. Wake up early:
Waking up early in the morning gives you more time that you feel you don’t have. Because you have extra time, you can get more things done. This routine will help you increase your productivity.
Even I was staying home and had the whole day for working, cleaning and running errands while my son was in day care. I noticed that we always rushed out of the house in the morning. My son needed at least 1 hours for him to get ready. I needed some time to get myself ready and cook breakfast. I decided to wake up 2 hours earlier.
We had time to have breakfast together. When I did that, our morning was smoother and calmer.
4. Exercise:
I am not an exercise person. It is hard for me to stick with one form of exercising for a long time. Even I know exercise has a lot of benefits for my health and body.
I am sure I am not alone. Especially when I have kids, I used them as my excuses for avoiding exercise. Sometimes I feel guilty to take an hour to work out. I didn’t have time for that.
Here are my tips to get exercise in without feeling guilty.
- Taking a walk early in the morning before everyone wakes up.
- Taking a walk with my kids while they are playing outside.
- Joining a martial art class with kids instead of sitting there and waiting for an hour.
- Jogging or walking around the neighborhood while waiting for your children’s piano, math, or martial lessons.
- Sitting up or pushing up in the livingroom while your kids are quietly busy with Lego.
My kids love playing with workout step platform. We are playing challenge game and see who do more steps. Playing with my kids and get some exercises in. Simple movements are counted. I bought it from Amazon. You can find the link below.
5. Gratitude routine:
I always thought that I was a grateful person. Nah nah!
One morning, I decided to sit down and followed my virtual mentor’s instruction. I just needed to write down 5 things I was grateful for in my life. And I had a hard time making my list.
At that moment, I realized that I didn’t know what gratitude was. By default, I focused on what I didn’t have. Making the list of what I didn’t have and didn’t like was easier than being grateful.
I commit to make a change. It changes my life. Change the way I am seeing things. Change the way I am feeling about myself, life and people around me.
The benefits of gratitude routine are:
- Shifting your focus
- Making you feel happier
- Reducing fear
- Strengthening your faith
- Giving you a peace of mind
- Improving your health
6. New Learning:
Learning new skills enhances confidence and also improves brain function.
Learning new skills helps your brain build new cells. You are exercising your brain when you learn new things.
Learning new things shifts your focus from taking care of others to yourself.
If you are someone like me who wants to do more, never feels enough, and curious, taking new classes on computer, Real Estate, Trading, self-transformation, marketing, blogging, photography, sewing, self-healing, and martial art give me brain boots and confident boots.
It keeps me busy. I feel l am doing something helpful for myself. I feel I am moving forward and not falling back even on what I learn just information.
7. New hobby
Remember what you do with your free time before having children?
I used to learn how to sew, paint, and do photography. They relaxed me. I felt productive and proud of myself as seeing my final products. I missed creating memorable albums for families and friends.
A hobby is important because it brings you joy and provides comfort in a hectic life. In addition, hobbies give you a brain break from work, kids, and others.
You can pick up a new hobby or go back to your old hobby that you love and makes you happy. Allow yourself a time to de-stress for mental health and sharpen your skills again.
Before kids, I barely read. But now, reading is my new hobby. It doesn’t take a lot of my time. I do not have to do anything but sit down and read. Here is a short list of my favorites that I have read a couple times.
Here is the list that you can pick up today without spending hours of preparation or going anywhere.
- Reading
- Coloring
- Gardening
- Writing/Journaling
- Cooking/baking
- Photography
- Creating memorable albums
- Yoga/meditation from YouTube
- Learn a foreign language
Final thoughts on self-care
Mental illness is growing not only in America alone but also around the world, especially during the Covid-19 and lockdown since March 2020. According to the Mental Health America’s report, “youth mental health is worsening. Even before Covid-19, the mental illness among adults was increasing in 2017-2018, 19% of adults experienced a mental illness.”
Check the Covid-19 and mental health research here.
Stress and depression are real. It is critical that you pay attention to your mental health. It is important like taking care of children and family. A mom can’t take care of her family if she is not well, physically or mentally.
If you don’t beware of the issues and find out the root of your depression like fear, sadness, negative thoughts, it can lead to serious mental illness. Click here to learn more about the signs, causes, and prevention of mental illness from Mayoclinic.
Make time for you! Take care of yourself! Find inner peace in your overwhelming world.
If you need encouragements, here are quotes to motivate you.
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucilla Ball
“Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Suess
“It is so important to take time to yourself and find clarity. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.” – Diane Von Furstenberg
“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.” – Katie Reed
“To meditate means to go home to yourself. Then you know how to take care of things that are happening inside you, and you know how to take care of things that happen around you.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
“When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” – Paulo Coeho
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